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Friday, 28 November 2014
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City: Alton, Illinois
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Parents and Their Role in the Upbringing of Children
by Moulana Moosa Ahmad Olgar, from Upbringing of Children
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects and the man is a guardian of his family, the lady is a guardian of her husband's house and his off-spring and all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects."
After having children, the first and foremost desire of parents is to prepare them for a bright and successful future. Thus every parent hopes and wishes that their children be pious with excellent character but this can only be achieved if the correct method towards this goal is adopted and the right environment created from the very beginning. It is very important to note that the spiritual upbringing is far more important than the physical upbringing.
Although the environment prior to the child's birth is very important, so too is the environment into which the child is born, as the actual upbringing starts in the mother's lap which is the first MADRASAH for the child.
Although the father plays an important role in educating the child, the mother plays a more important and greater role in this process. Rather it can rightly be said that the mother contributes the greater share and plays the best role in the early training and education of her children. Moreover the mother is more loving, kind and patient than the father, she is nearer to the children and they are more free and attached to her. This makes the mother more capable of educating and training her children in the most proper way.
The meaning of this is: Every child is born pure. It is the environment created by his parents that determines his future. It is absolutely necessary to understand that before you expect your child to learn the ways of Islam, the parents have to be practising Muslims themselves. Parents should set a good example in front of their children. Therefore for the parents to be practising Muslims is of utmost importance for the Islamic upbringing of their children. Regarding parents, this poem is best suited:
"The parent is like a mirror, the reflection it gives, the child adopts. If the reflection is good, the child is good. If the reflection is bad, the child is bad."
Remember, the entire future of the child depends entirely on the parent's teachings, training and environment in which the parent's bring up their child. The home environment and the parent's upbringing of the child either makes or mars the child's future. If the home environment is Islamic, then the child will be religiously inclined, but if the home environment is un-Islamic, then the child will develop irreligious traits and habits in himself. Because the child does not come from a solid Islamic home, he is unaware of the gems and jewels of Islam due to lack of Islamic knowledge and education. Copper, brass and gravel of other religions look dazzling and beautiful in his eyes. If the child hears music and watches television, then he will want to imitate the singers and the T.V. stars. On the other hand, if the words of Allah Taa'la (i.e the Quraan) keeps falling in his ears and the lives of Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and the Sahaaba (radiyallahu anhum) are related to him, then he will develop good qualities and try to imitate Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and the Sahaaba (radiyallahu anhum). Remember, if the home environment is not Islamic, how do we expect the child to become a fine and respectable Muslim servant of Allah?
If religious education and training are given from childhood, the child on growing up will definitely understand the rights of the parents and elders and will respect them. If the child has been deprived of religious education and training by careless and neglectful parents, he will not discharge the rights that he has to towards his parents. Many parents complain that their children are ill-mannered, disobedient and disrespectful. The cause of their disobedience is only the fault of the parents, as they, on account of their greed for worldly things and love for MONEY, kept their children blank in religious education. To earn their livelihood and to fill their bellies, parents are keeping their children aloof from religious education, and instead involve them in profane education and worldly pursuits, thus making them irreligious. There is none to educate these innocent children and to train and inculcate Islamic morals into them. How will the fear of Allah be instilled into their minds? Since attaining the age of sensitivity, the love of MONEY, beautiful clothes and houses, fast cars etc. has entered his heart and he now remains occupied day and night with the thought of these things only and keeps trying to acquire them. He cares not if in acquiring these things, he may be depriving or destroying the rights of others. In his greed of acquiring worldly goods, high medical, legal and engineering degrees, he is ready to waste the invaluable wealth of IMAAN. Such men can cause ruin to the community and in creating a struggle for power, are in fact proving to be the disintegrators of institutions. What now can the religion and community expect from this kind of upbringing?! How can the parents then say that the youth "the fresh blood" do not obey the parents, do not help the weak, the widows and the orphans, and do not take interest in works concerning the masaajid and madaaris? The parents themselves have not taught them to do these acts. The young people are even ignorant of the reward for obeying their parents and of the punishment for disobeying them. How many Ahaadith do they know? And how many Ahaadith have they been asked to memorise? Not a single answer will be received to any of these questions. Then what else can you expect from such ignorant youth?
Nowadays parents say: Oh look at my son, he shows no respect to his parents, or they